Lost and Found in Life

This past year has been a year of major loss. I lost my grandmother in September. I lost my mother to Alzheimer's and we had to place her in a home in February. I lost my father last week. I may have lost a few friends. I was told I may have lost my ability to have children. I have lost some belongings. I have lost a couple of writing gigs. I lost a relationship. I have lost many parts of myself.

But at the same time I have found myself again. I know who I am and how I feel. I found my Montessori roots and have thrown myself into the old school philosophy. I found my grandmother again when I took her broken wedding ring and started to wear it and when she came to me in my dreams. I even found my grandfather and the man I call my step-grandfather, as she brought them to me in my dreams. I found a new level of intimacy with my father as I sat with him over seven weeks, watching him die. I have found new writing gigs and a new ability deep within to communicate with and touch others. I have found a way to redefine that relationship, that actually requires no definition, yet provides me with the love and care that I need.

My father's illness, and subsequent death, has helped me find strength in myself, in God, in the Universe, and in friends and family. I have spent 2 1/2 weeks with my aunt, getting to know her in a way that I never have before. A large share of those two weeks were also spent with other aunts and my uncle. I rekindled a relationship with the other side of the family. I have found who my true friends are and how to ask for help. My writing adventures have led me to new writing groups and new friends whom I may never meet in person, but who have walked along with me over these journeys.

I know that my new journey has just begun, and I will have to continue to find new ways to cope with my loss. Thank you for taking this journey with me.