I Hate 10:30 PM

Yes, I like to mark anniversaries. I have to note time passed as part of my own healing process. Some people think it is dwelling and just being depressing. I beg to differ. For me, when I know I have made it through a year, I can see how much stronger I have become.

Today begins marking some of the most important one-year anniversaries of my life. For it was one year ago today that I got the phone call from my relatives saying that Dad had been rushed to the hospital by ambulance. At the time, we still thought everything was going to be okay. They had caught the brain bleed and were transferring him up to St. V's in the morning, where they specialize in such things. We didn't know at the time how serious it actually was, nor could we predict that it would spiral out of control so fast.

Somehow, though, I had a sense it was ending. I stayed calm while talking to them on the phone and then I called off of work. I was supposed to leave early the next day, anyway, to get home in time to pick my sister up from the local airport. We were both already going home for that weekend. And then I called The Man, with whom I had officially broken up one week prior. My hand was involuntarily shaking like I have never seen it before. He talked me down and I went to sleep.

I got that original phone call at 10:30 p.m. It's never good news when someone calls you so late.

Seven weeks later, Dad passed away. Time of death? 10:30 p.m.

A couple of days later as I am sitting alone in his house, my phone rings again. Time? 10:30 p.m. It was the nursing home. My stomach went up into my throat, especially when I heard the apprehensive voice of the nurse. She was okay, but had accidentally found out that Dad had died. The comical part was she was "behaving inappropriately in a sexual manner with another resident." (Before you freak out - Mom has Alzheimer's and at times confused other men for being Dad.)

To this day, one year later, I still freak out when the phone rings so late. A few people tell me to just turn it off. I can't. I am first call for my mother, so I keep it on and near me at all times. I look forward to being able to relax more at that hour.