May Challenge Day 2: Something I regret not having done last year

I try to focus on not having regrets about decisions that I have made in my past. Those experiences that you have had in your past shape who you are today. If you were to go back and change them, you wouldn't be the person that you are right now. Haven't you seen all of those movies? (A Christmas Carol, It's a Wonderful Life, etc.)

Are there some things that I wish were handled differently last year? Absolutely. The last two years have royally sucked. I do wish I could have made it back to Ohio to try to visit my mother again before she forgot who I was. At the same time, my presence always agitated her. The nurses would have to help me sneak out of the ward and then were left with trying to calm Mom down and to distract her. It wasn't healthy for me, nor my mother.

I wish I could have made it back sooner to bring back more of my things in storage. I have had to impose on friends and family to store so many of my parents' belongings. I thought I was going to make it back by now, but just can't afford it. I feel terrible.

I wish we could have taken more time to properly plan and announce my father's funeral. A man like him should not have had only a handful of people in the church. That place should have been full. He died at 10:30 on a Thursday evening. The memorial was Monday morning. People didn't even see the announcements until over the weekend and couldn't plan accordingly. I heard that many times.

I admit to having the tiniest bit of regret that I didn't make it back to help Dad get Mom situated in the facility. Had I been there, perhaps he wouldn't have fallen. Or had he fallen, I would have made sure he received medical attention.

But like I said before, I can't change any of it, so I can't dwell on it. Had he not hit his head, some other medical problem would have taken his life, and the timing would not have been too far off. It was better this way. He was devastated by Mom's Alzheimer's. It probably would have killed him to have her forget him, anyway.

I only think of these things when I am prompted to do so, such as with today's meme. It does pop up here and there in conversation, as well. Otherwise, I try to live my life according to one of my all-time favorite Pearl Jam songs, "Present Tense": "You can live your life alone, redigesting past regrets. Or you can come to terms and realize you are the only one who cannot forgive yourself. Makes much more sense to live in the present tense."

Watch the video with lyrics here:

May Challenge Day 1: Something I'm looking forward to this year

It has been eleven months and one day since my father died. Since going through that ordeal last year, I have been focusing more on taking life one day at a time. Yes, I may know what is going to happen a couple of days from now, but have learned that life can really throw you a curve ball. I'm not really sure what I am looking forward to this year, other than finally hitting that one year anniversary.

I am the kind of person who needs to mark the passage of time with anniversaries. The first year is always the most difficult. Once you get through that, it is usually smooth sailing for whatever that situation is. At least, that is the way I have always looked at it.

I think the more important anniversary to which I was "looking forward" was the anniversary of when Dad went unconscious. My gut instinct when that happened was that it wasn't going to turn out the way we were hoping. I prayed every day, many times a day, for whatever was meant to happen to happen. If he was meant to recover and stay here with me, then awesome. But if he was meant to pass away from this world and move to the next one to ease his suffering, I would be heartbroken, but knew it would be for the best. I started mourning him that April.

Saying I was looking forward to that anniversary is probably not the proper choice of words. I do not take any pleasure in it. In what will I actuallly take pleasure? I suppose things like having time to work in my garden, to see if I can bring it back to life, being able to go hiking again as my various injuries heal, spending time with loved ones, reading a lot more, writing a lot more, should also top my list. Those are just general plans, though, and are starting to slowly creep back into my life.

The New May Challenges

Yes, A to Z this year created a monster. I can't sit near my computer without wanting to write something. I have a zillion other things that I should be writing, especially for money, but it isn't happening. I think it is more important that I am writing anything.

One of my fellow members of the GBE2 group found an old daily challenge from last year. Some of us have decided to take it on to see what will happen. Each day has a different prompt. They are not related to a letter, nor any other specific theme. It just gives you a meme and you go with it. Because we are starting three days late and there are three days off, we will just eliminate those three extra days.

Here is the meme list, in case you were wondering or were interested in trying it:

Day 01: Something you're looking forward to this year.
Day 02: Something you regret not having done last year.
Day 03: Something with which you struggle.
Day 04: Something that is part of your routine that you enjoy.
Day 05: Something in life that gives you balance.
Day 06: Something that excites you and fills you with joy.
Day 07: Vacation Hiatus
Day 08: Vacation Hiatus
Day 09: Vacation Hiatus
Day 10: Something at which you've been a champion or the best.
Day 11: Something about which people seem to compliment you.
Day 12: Something you hope to change about yourself and why.
Day 13: Discuss some of the things on your bucket list.
Day 14: Someone who has made your life worth living.
Day 15: A band/musical artist whose music impacted your life.
Day 16: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 17: Someone with whom you shared a friendship/relationship that simply drifted out of your life.
Day 18: Someone you met randomly that's made an impact on your life.
Day 19: Something that shook your belief system to its core (a big disappointment in your life).
Day 20: Discuss your favorite movie and why it's so special to you.
Day 21: Write about your best friend (not significant other) and what makes them special.
Day 22: Describe a dark/turbulent moment in your life.
Day 23: Describe a truly spiritual moment in your life.
Day 24: Discuss a spontaneous moment in your life that that turned out to be fantastic.
Day 25: Discuss something you planned that ended up not being what you expected.
Day 26: How do you handle/deal with both success and failure?
Day 27: What is your vocation (why are you here on earth)?
Day 28: What is your biggest dream in life (what one great thing do you want to accomplish)?
Day 29: What WAS your biggest dream in life (you wanted to do as a kid but no longer can)?
Day 30: Someone in your family that means so much to you.
Day 31: Epilogue: Write a letter to yourself.


The other challenge that I came across is a month-long challenge on one topic for Blog Her's NaBloPoMo. This month's theme is "Play." If I can't come up with something every day for that, then I am not the youthful person I thought I was!

So, here comes the madness. You may remember I also had set myself up with the Movie May challenge, where I talk about movies that were created in the 1950s and earlier. And one of these days I need to finish They Live On.....