#AtoZChallenge "Corduroy"

"The waiting drove me mad. You're finally here and I'm a mess."

This sums up how I feel in between Pearl Jam concerts. I depend on live Pearl Jam shows to rejuvenate me and to put me back in touch with myself.

Yes, it's a personal problem, but I know I am not alone in this.

Listen to "Corduroy." 
 

The intro of the song builds up, layer by layer, increasing your anticipation, before releasing into an explosion of light and sound. I feel the build up begin deep in my stomach and then all of my cares and worries disappear.

I love the line "I don't wanna take what you can give. I would rather starve than eat your bread." To me, it means I am better off doing my thing alone than trying to deal with you being fake. You have nothing to offer me, so go away. I hate fake people and try to keep them away at all costs. This is an example of where I am interpreting the lyrics for myself, instead of what Eddie wanted them to mean. Remember, he wants us all to become "part-owners" of the music and to take what we want or need from their songs.

Anyway, this is another one of my favorite songs. It's off of Vitalogy. The clip that I included above is from the May 2, 2003 concert in Buffalo, NY. I was at that show, somewhere to the right of the person filming. I remember being up in nosebleed section, getting dizzy before the show. I went with my sister and one of our friends. It was her first concert. (Brat.) I still say this is the best show I have ever been to of theirs.

Until the next one...  

#AtoZChallenge "Black"

Flashback: Early 1990s. A young teenage girl is listening to her cassette tape Ten by Pearl Jam as she does her homework. She has listened to it dozens of times before, while reading and studying. But this time, it's different.

The haunting chords begin and suck her into an alternate universe. Her eyes close as Eddie's voice washes over her. Her meditation is so deep that she doesn't even notice when the next song begins. The loud pop of the cassette ending on that side jars her out of her reverie. 

She feels emotionally spent, yet cleansed at the same time. An obsession is now buried deep in her soul and her life will never be the same again.

That, my friends, is what happened to me one day when "Black" came on. Even though I had heard it before, somehow that day, it spoke to me in a way that nothing else ever had before. I had been a Pearl Jam fan for a while, but that moment triggered something new inside of me. To this day, I can be transported elsewhere by listening to their music. It heals me. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It fuels my writing, cleaning, reading, whatever I need to do.

This is one of the most heartwrenching songs I have ever heard. It hurts to hear it. Even when I hear it live, I end up closing my eyes, transported to another place, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I get really pissed at people who have to talk or yell when this song is being played. It's the ultimate experience.



This is a clip I found on YouTube from one of the shows I went to some years ago. Actually, I think this person was a couple of rows in front of us, because it's a familiar view. The crowd got really into this and made it emotional, as a collective experience.  

Even the Unplugged version, stripped down to bare essentials, is raw and emotional.
   

See, I even lost a half hour as I was looking for video versions to include in this post....

#AtoZChallenge 'Alive'

Pearl Jam is my absolute favorite band, and has been for over 20 years now. No one else is ever going to make me feel the way that their music does. Nothing else inspires me the way that they do. No one else molds my emotions and spirit in the same way. So, this year, for the A to Z Challenge, I am going to try to focus on one of my muses...

"Alive" was the second single that came off of Ten, and was the first one to really make waves on the radio. I do remember seeing the video for "Evenflow" and falling in love with the band at that time, but "Alive" really captured my attention.



It is one of the greatest guitar songs ever written. Its message is strong. Though it is about Eddie finding out the truth about his birth father, the chorus rings true for all of us at all times. "Hey, I'm still alive." It doesn't matter what kind of personal hell you are going through. You are still alive. You have made it through yet another day. You can get through yet another one.

Have you ever been to a live Pearl Jam show when they play this song? The entire venue is uplifted. It's almost a physical reaction, as well as an emotional and spiritual one. Everyone is bellowing the words and pumping their fists in a collective redemption of their souls. It's magical and part of the reason I crave going to a live Pearl Jam show.

The song also has special significance for me since meeting Eddie a few years ago. I shook his hand and said, "Thank you for the last 18 years of my life." He squeezed mine back and moved on. And then he turned to look at me again and said, "Stay alive." This was on the eve of some of the most difficult months and years of my life. And I have stayed alive, thanks in part to their music.