#AtoZChallenge "Corduroy"

"The waiting drove me mad. You're finally here and I'm a mess."

This sums up how I feel in between Pearl Jam concerts. I depend on live Pearl Jam shows to rejuvenate me and to put me back in touch with myself.

Yes, it's a personal problem, but I know I am not alone in this.

Listen to "Corduroy." 
 

The intro of the song builds up, layer by layer, increasing your anticipation, before releasing into an explosion of light and sound. I feel the build up begin deep in my stomach and then all of my cares and worries disappear.

I love the line "I don't wanna take what you can give. I would rather starve than eat your bread." To me, it means I am better off doing my thing alone than trying to deal with you being fake. You have nothing to offer me, so go away. I hate fake people and try to keep them away at all costs. This is an example of where I am interpreting the lyrics for myself, instead of what Eddie wanted them to mean. Remember, he wants us all to become "part-owners" of the music and to take what we want or need from their songs.

Anyway, this is another one of my favorite songs. It's off of Vitalogy. The clip that I included above is from the May 2, 2003 concert in Buffalo, NY. I was at that show, somewhere to the right of the person filming. I remember being up in nosebleed section, getting dizzy before the show. I went with my sister and one of our friends. It was her first concert. (Brat.) I still say this is the best show I have ever been to of theirs.

Until the next one...  

#AtoZChallenge "Black"

Flashback: Early 1990s. A young teenage girl is listening to her cassette tape Ten by Pearl Jam as she does her homework. She has listened to it dozens of times before, while reading and studying. But this time, it's different.

The haunting chords begin and suck her into an alternate universe. Her eyes close as Eddie's voice washes over her. Her meditation is so deep that she doesn't even notice when the next song begins. The loud pop of the cassette ending on that side jars her out of her reverie. 

She feels emotionally spent, yet cleansed at the same time. An obsession is now buried deep in her soul and her life will never be the same again.

That, my friends, is what happened to me one day when "Black" came on. Even though I had heard it before, somehow that day, it spoke to me in a way that nothing else ever had before. I had been a Pearl Jam fan for a while, but that moment triggered something new inside of me. To this day, I can be transported elsewhere by listening to their music. It heals me. It makes me laugh. It makes me cry. It fuels my writing, cleaning, reading, whatever I need to do.

This is one of the most heartwrenching songs I have ever heard. It hurts to hear it. Even when I hear it live, I end up closing my eyes, transported to another place, with tears streaming down my cheeks. I get really pissed at people who have to talk or yell when this song is being played. It's the ultimate experience.



This is a clip I found on YouTube from one of the shows I went to some years ago. Actually, I think this person was a couple of rows in front of us, because it's a familiar view. The crowd got really into this and made it emotional, as a collective experience.  

Even the Unplugged version, stripped down to bare essentials, is raw and emotional.
   

See, I even lost a half hour as I was looking for video versions to include in this post....

#AtoZChallenge 'Alive'

Pearl Jam is my absolute favorite band, and has been for over 20 years now. No one else is ever going to make me feel the way that their music does. Nothing else inspires me the way that they do. No one else molds my emotions and spirit in the same way. So, this year, for the A to Z Challenge, I am going to try to focus on one of my muses...

"Alive" was the second single that came off of Ten, and was the first one to really make waves on the radio. I do remember seeing the video for "Evenflow" and falling in love with the band at that time, but "Alive" really captured my attention.



It is one of the greatest guitar songs ever written. Its message is strong. Though it is about Eddie finding out the truth about his birth father, the chorus rings true for all of us at all times. "Hey, I'm still alive." It doesn't matter what kind of personal hell you are going through. You are still alive. You have made it through yet another day. You can get through yet another one.

Have you ever been to a live Pearl Jam show when they play this song? The entire venue is uplifted. It's almost a physical reaction, as well as an emotional and spiritual one. Everyone is bellowing the words and pumping their fists in a collective redemption of their souls. It's magical and part of the reason I crave going to a live Pearl Jam show.

The song also has special significance for me since meeting Eddie a few years ago. I shook his hand and said, "Thank you for the last 18 years of my life." He squeezed mine back and moved on. And then he turned to look at me again and said, "Stay alive." This was on the eve of some of the most difficult months and years of my life. And I have stayed alive, thanks in part to their music.

I Am Mine

There is a song by Pearl Jam called "I Am Mine." The lyrics go "I know I was born and I know that I'll die. The in-between is mine. I am mine." I love that line, and I have made it one of my mantras. Another good one is "I only own my mind."

I am going through a horribly rough time right now. My grandmother died in September at the ripe old age of 95. My mother, who has Alzheimer's. had to go into nursing care in February. And my father went into the ICU Thursday night. This morning (Saturday) they had to intubate him. He has taken a couple of steps backwards, but this could be a good thing to help him finally recover. He has a lot of medical problems right now. We are extremely close and it is very hard for me.

My sister has also come to town to help out for a bit, but she cannot stay as long as I can. It is up to me to be the strong one who takes care of a lot of the problems. But I have a choice. I can choose to let it get me completely down and get depressed. Or, I can let out my emotions and just continue to deal with what life throws at me, one step at a time.

Do I cry? Yes. If I don't cry it makes it worse. Have I stopped doing what I love? Absolutely not. I take care of what needs to be done and try to have a little fun at the same time. I take things seriously, yet try to find ways to chuckle. I am the one who is in control of my reactions. I am mine. I can do what I need to do and not lose face.

Another great song lyric that pops into my head is "I am a rock. I am an island." That describes precisely how I am feeling right now.



Or check out this live version from Reading '06. Pearl Jam is always better live. :-D

Backspacer Review

After what feels like several excruciatingly long months since the announcement, Pearl Jam's new cd, Backspacer, finally was released today!!

We had a taste of the new sound when Pearl Jam performed on Conan O'Brien's first stint as the Tonight Show host, when they performed "Get Some". Then radio stations, if you were lucky, would play "The Fixer" every once in a while. Everyone seemed to have differing release dates. First it was going to be September 22nd, then the 27th, then ...? Finally, yesterday on Facebook, it said that you could hear the album in its entirety on Myspace as of yesterday, and that the album would be available today.

Despite being sick, I got up this morning, anyway, and took a shower. I then made myself get groceries first, because I knew once I had my hands on the cd, I would be sitting inside all day listening to it.

I went to Barnes and Noble, because I have a gift card there, and taunted myself by wandering around downstairs first. Finally, I went upstairs to the music section, and was surprised to see that there were no cds. I actually inquired at the desk, and he had no record of it even being an upcoming release. Confused, I came back downstairs, and combed through the magazines.

Rolling Stone had a short little blurb giving it 4 stars, but provided no info on the release date. Spin had them on the cover, so I picked that up. (Fun read, and you can order a special copy as well, complete with Vedder flipping you off, lol.)

Sadly, I came home, relying solely on the "new" import singles I picked up last weekend, that are actually from 2002. I went online, and finally found an article that explained that Pearl Jam was only releasing the cd through their website, indie stores, and one major retailer......Target.

I flew back out to the car and headed for the nearest Target location, fully prepared to drive all over the city if necessary. As soon as I walked into the first one, I was greeted with a giant display, with hundreds of available copies. A quick perusal of the store also found me "The Fixer" on vinyl. (Now to get that stupid needle for my turntable!)

Not wanting to interrupt the initial listening to go from car to inside, and wanting to bask in the glory of surround sound in the car, I aimlessly drove throughout the suburbs, listening to Backspacer with the windows rolled down. I even got lost at one point....

The initial 4 tracks, "Gonna See My Friend", "Got Some: "The Fixer", and Johnny Guitar", as well as the later track "Supersonic" are a throw-back to the good ole punk days, when Pearl Jam was happy and rocking out for the sake of music. I can feel the intensity of the live performance already, and am salivating for the next tour encounter. No matter how the studio album sounds, you can be guaranteed of the penultimate presentation of the songs when the guys are in their element.

"Just Breathe" has echoes of Into the Wild as the chords are similar to Eddie's award-winning "Guaranteed". If I remember correctly, I believe this is the song that R.S. claims will be the PJ wedding song. Whatever. Yeah, it's a love song, but this Pearl Jam fanatic has found several other possibilities for her wedding, as well, trust me.

Also unique to this song is more of a country sound from Ed. I haven't yet heard this out of him, at least not on an original song. Mike McCready has played with a country sound in some of his live renditions of songs. There is just no denying the impact of good music.

"Amongst the Waves" is Ed's obligatory tribute to the ocean: "Riding high amongst the waves I feel like I have a soul that has been saved." While I do not surf, I can completely appreciate this, as my trips to the ocean are just as purifying and cleansing as, well, going to a Pearl Jam or Eddie Vedder show. Two summers ago I was fortunate enough to enjoy 2 Pearl Jam shows, 2 Eddie Vedder shows, and one glorious day at the ocean, all in Boston. People have told me I've never looked so happy. And then, of course, there was that infamous trip to Albany this past summer, when we actually met Eddie.....TWICE.

"Speed of Sound" and "Force of Nature" could also fit in with Riot Act and Binaural.

"The End" also is somewhat reminiscent of Into the Wild. So, the new album is a punk-meets-ITW-meets-country mix of masterful wonderfulness that gave me goosebumps on the initial listen, and will in person, as well. Go get it, already!

For more on my love affair with Eddie's lyrics, read Eddie Vedder Pens the Lyrics that Fulfill My Soul....and stay tuned for more!

[Photo taken by Amy Dillon in Albany....using hers, because I STILL haven't uploaded mine! lol]

Eddie is yummy

In case you haven't already heard, I have a slight obsession with Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam. I have had this obsession for 18 years now, and it's not ending any time soon.

And in case you haven't already heard, when my friend and I went to Albany to see the first two nights of his solo tour a couple of weeks ago, we got to meet him.

It was the single greatest moment of my life.

I had bought a new camera before the trip, because I was determined to meet him this time (four solo shows and at least 12 full band shows.....). And wouldn't you know I was so nervous again that I couldn't operate my stupid camera??

I did get a few pics with my camera phone, and ended up with a couple of good shots with the digital outside after we met him the second night. You can see my pictures and read the stories of the two nights:

We Met Eddie Vedder!

We Met Eddie Vedder......Again!

And just as I was getting over the whole thing, tonight my friend had to post her photo album of the event. I totally stole this picture off of her page:



Because it is beautiful! The fact that I was this close to my idol, my muse, my favorite celebrity in the whole wide world whose music has kept me going for 18 straight years.......!!!

I almost flew down to Atlanta to stay with friends and family so that I could go to two more nights and try my luck again, but I couldn't make it work. In some ways I am kicking myself. In other ways, I am grateful that I didn't, because the venue probably would not have been conducive to meeting him again. And why risk ending on a less wonderful note?

Now for the new album and next tour.........