Pearl Jam is my absolute favorite band, and has been for over 20 years now. No one else is ever going to make me feel the way that their music does. Nothing else inspires me the way that they do. No one else molds my emotions and spirit in the same way. So, this year, for the A to Z Challenge, I am going to try to focus on one of my muses...
"Alive" was the second single that came off of Ten, and was the first one to really make waves on the radio. I do remember seeing the video for "Evenflow" and falling in love with the band at that time, but "Alive" really captured my attention.
It is one of the greatest guitar songs ever written. Its message is strong. Though it is about Eddie finding out the truth about his birth father, the chorus rings true for all of us at all times. "Hey, I'm still alive." It doesn't matter what kind of personal hell you are going through. You are still alive. You have made it through yet another day. You can get through yet another one.
Have you ever been to a live Pearl Jam show when they play this song? The entire venue is uplifted. It's almost a physical reaction, as well as an emotional and spiritual one. Everyone is bellowing the words and pumping their fists in a collective redemption of their souls. It's magical and part of the reason I crave going to a live Pearl Jam show.
The song also has special significance for me since meeting Eddie a few years ago. I shook his hand and said, "Thank you for the last 18 years of my life." He squeezed mine back and moved on. And then he turned to look at me again and said, "Stay alive." This was on the eve of some of the most difficult months and years of my life. And I have stayed alive, thanks in part to their music.
The clock just hit 10:30 p.m. It has now officially been two weeks since my father passed away. It still seems surreal to utter those words, even though they also seem so commonplace to say. I feel like calling Dad right now to talk to him about it, but of course I cannot.
I have been writing this "P" post (for the original April challenge) for the past two weeks, but hadn't yet felt ready to write it. Tonight, I guess I am.
My father had a very peaceful passing when it was time for him to go. He had been unconscious for the majority of the seven weeks that he had been in the hospital. On Memorial Day, I got a call saying that his eyes were actually open. We ran to the hospital, thinking this was possibly the turn-around for which we had been hoping. It was beautiful to look into those gray/blue eyes again. I could tell that he was trying to communicate with us, because as we talked to him his lips were moving. He was calmer than he had been the entire weekend that I had been home.
With smiles on our faces, we left for them to put in a new PIC line, and had lunch. Our meeting with the team was scheduled for after lunch. We walked into the meeting room with high expectations, only to hear that kidney function was at 50% and quickly failing. A living will made our decision easy. It was time to let go.
We disconnected fluids and feeding on Memorial Day. We scheduled Hospice for Thursday, as that was when his brother was finally going to be able to come to town. The nurses were kind and continued some fluids during the administration of medication, to slightly prolong his life in order to see his big brother one last time.
Dad stayed awake the remainder of the week. He seemed to be drinking in his family. He struggled to stay awake and often cried when the last one (usually me) left. For the first time that I could remember, my father repeatedly mouthed the words "I love you." We are a family that consistently demonstrates such sentiments, without having to utter the words. I said it repeatedly.
Thursday, June 2nd, we had Dad moved to Hospice. On my way to Perrysburg, I called my teaching assistant on the phone, as it was the last day of school. She put me on speakerphone so that I could say goodbye to my kids. I also asked them to send myu father happy thoughts. My gut was telling me that Dad was going that day and I wanted to send him off the right way. (When I returned to work a couple of weeks later, I was given pictures from the kids. One child made one that said, "I love you, Mr. Coventry.")
Once Dad was settled, we were allowed to go in to see him. My sister went over to him first. "Hi, Daddy." He gave her the biggest smile. I started to bawl. It was beautiful. I haven't seen him smile in months.
My aunts joined us and then all three of them left. They had to pick up my uncle from the airport and finish up some other legal obligations. I vowed to my father that I would not leave his side. I knew he was worried about us and a little scared about leaving (I refer to the tears all week). I told him that he had seen me into this world, and I would see him out of it.
A family friend came to visit. When I went to sit with her to talk, Dad decided to go to sleep and took a nap. He later awoke when another family friend from Florida called to wish him well via speakerphone. I only left the room to use the restroom.
Finally, the rest of the family arrived. They took their turns talking to him and I ran to the cafeteria for some dinner. We had a blast sharing memories of Dad throughout the years and had numerous good laughs. I even captured a beautiful picture of my sister and Dad smiling at each other as she bid him farewell.
I played music from the mp3 player on my phone as we continued to share stories. I kept nervously checking his extremeties and eyeballing the nurse as she came in. A few years ago, as my great uncle lay dying in Hospice, a friend who had once worked in Hospice told me all about the steps toward dying. My family wanted to go get dinner around 9:30. The nurse said it should be okay as Dad was still at 14 resps a minute. I knew he was going to go that night and I told them to come back if/when they needed to.
After they left, I told Dad I would let him rest, as he was starting to go to sleep again. I changed into my pajamas and found him wide awake again. I then said that I was going to play a song for him, to express how I felt. I chose a song by Eddie Vedder, called "Goodbye." It had been released a couple of years ago on the soundtrack for A Brokedown Melody, but the lyrics hadn't struck me so strongly before. Earlier in the week, Eddie Vedder had released his new CD and this song was track 5, which made me have to pull off the road after I purchased and listened to the CD on my way up to visit Dad. Click here to watch a video that contains the lyrics to this song.
I am a huge Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam fan, and have been for about 20 years now. So it was appropriate that I played this for my father as he was ready to leave. I also promised him that I was being taken care of, as was my sister. I also reassured him that we had Mom well taken care of in her new facility. I told him that it was time for him to do what he needed to do.
Around 10 the nurse came in again. Vital signs, etc., still indicated he would probably go over the night, but there didn't seem to be an immediate need to call in family to send him off. I changed into my pajamas and was settling into a chair with my laptop. The nurse came in to check on him and thought it was getting close, but possibly not close enough to call the family back. We started joking around about my Dad and his sense of humor while they set up my cot. Dad coughed up a goober and I chuckled. The nurse went over to wipe it off his face and touched his chest. "Andrea."
I grabbed my phone. "I am ready; phone is in my hand."
She got the stethoscope. She had to listen for one full minute. The other nurse held me up by my arm. After that minute she nodded. I said, "Going or gone?" She said, "Gone."
I felt my knees buckle, but more from a giant weight being lifted off of me from relief that I no longer had to worry. I called my family, who was on their way back from dinner. They came in crying, and I tried to reassure them that he had gone peacefully while none of us was paying attention. In fact, we were laughing and joking. It's the way he would have wanted to go. He needed some space and some laughter. And we were able to give it to him.
Two weeks later I can still feel the pain of him leaving. But somehow it is a little easier. I think that I had the advantage of starting to grieve a little earlier, as I knew back in April that he wasn't going to make it. I kept hoping for the best, but was being realistic. I have this damn intuition that often proves correct.
I miss my father with every fiber of my being. I am crying as I write this post tonight. But I also know that I carry his legacy with me. When I returned to NY from taking care of things, I had the best display of roses, ever. The garden that he helped me put in at the side of my house was more lush than in any other year. Granted. there had been a lot of rain and some intense temperatures in my absence, but I can't help but believe that he had a hand in it.
On behalf of my family, I thank everyone for their outpouring of support. We are all going to be fine. I can say that I am doing okay. Life still goes on. I will always celebrate the life of Richard S. Coventry.
I am going to be a mess at this concert next weekend....:-D
Of course E is for Eddie! What else would it be? I am a huge fan of Pearl Jam, and have been for 20 years now. Nothing helps my mood better than Eddie's voice crooning and yelling. The lyrics touch my soul. I feel a spiritual connection with his music in a way unlike any other.
I have written about Eddie and Pearl Jam time and time again. So, instead of rehashing all of them, I will instead provide you with links to my published works on Yahoo! and Associated Content/Yahoo Contributor Network.
Meeting Eddie Vedder (Yes, my friend Amy and I got to meet him twice. It was a dream come true. One of these days I will find my camera again, and can upload my pictures. I will include one from my crappy camera phone below. The one taken by my friend that appears on this article is the best, though!)
After what feels like several excruciatingly long months since the announcement, Pearl Jam's new cd, Backspacer, finally was released today!!
We had a taste of the new sound when Pearl Jam performed on Conan O'Brien's first stint as the Tonight Show host, when they performed "Get Some". Then radio stations, if you were lucky, would play "The Fixer" every once in a while. Everyone seemed to have differing release dates. First it was going to be September 22nd, then the 27th, then ...? Finally, yesterday on Facebook, it said that you could hear the album in its entirety on Myspace as of yesterday, and that the album would be available today.
Despite being sick, I got up this morning, anyway, and took a shower. I then made myself get groceries first, because I knew once I had my hands on the cd, I would be sitting inside all day listening to it.
I went to Barnes and Noble, because I have a gift card there, and taunted myself by wandering around downstairs first. Finally, I went upstairs to the music section, and was surprised to see that there were no cds. I actually inquired at the desk, and he had no record of it even being an upcoming release. Confused, I came back downstairs, and combed through the magazines.
Rolling Stone had a short little blurb giving it 4 stars, but provided no info on the release date. Spin had them on the cover, so I picked that up. (Fun read, and you can order a special copy as well, complete with Vedder flipping you off, lol.)
Sadly, I came home, relying solely on the "new" import singles I picked up last weekend, that are actually from 2002. I went online, and finally found an article that explained that Pearl Jam was only releasing the cd through their website, indie stores, and one major retailer......Target.
I flew back out to the car and headed for the nearest Target location, fully prepared to drive all over the city if necessary. As soon as I walked into the first one, I was greeted with a giant display, with hundreds of available copies. A quick perusal of the store also found me "The Fixer" on vinyl. (Now to get that stupid needle for my turntable!)
Not wanting to interrupt the initial listening to go from car to inside, and wanting to bask in the glory of surround sound in the car, I aimlessly drove throughout the suburbs, listening to Backspacer with the windows rolled down. I even got lost at one point....
The initial 4 tracks, "Gonna See My Friend", "Got Some: "The Fixer", and Johnny Guitar", as well as the later track "Supersonic" are a throw-back to the good ole punk days, when Pearl Jam was happy and rocking out for the sake of music. I can feel the intensity of the live performance already, and am salivating for the next tour encounter. No matter how the studio album sounds, you can be guaranteed of the penultimate presentation of the songs when the guys are in their element.
"Just Breathe" has echoes of Into the Wild as the chords are similar to Eddie's award-winning "Guaranteed". If I remember correctly, I believe this is the song that R.S. claims will be the PJ wedding song. Whatever. Yeah, it's a love song, but this Pearl Jam fanatic has found several other possibilities for her wedding, as well, trust me.
Also unique to this song is more of a country sound from Ed. I haven't yet heard this out of him, at least not on an original song. Mike McCready has played with a country sound in some of his live renditions of songs. There is just no denying the impact of good music.
"Amongst the Waves" is Ed's obligatory tribute to the ocean: "Riding high amongst the waves I feel like I have a soul that has been saved." While I do not surf, I can completely appreciate this, as my trips to the ocean are just as purifying and cleansing as, well, going to a Pearl Jam or Eddie Vedder show. Two summers ago I was fortunate enough to enjoy 2 Pearl Jam shows, 2 Eddie Vedder shows, and one glorious day at the ocean, all in Boston. People have told me I've never looked so happy. And then, of course, there was that infamous trip to Albany this past summer, when we actually met Eddie.....TWICE.
"Speed of Sound" and "Force of Nature" could also fit in with Riot Act and Binaural.
"The End" also is somewhat reminiscent of Into the Wild. So, the new album is a punk-meets-ITW-meets-country mix of masterful wonderfulness that gave me goosebumps on the initial listen, and will in person, as well. Go get it, already!
In case you haven't already heard, I have a slight obsession with Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam. I have had this obsession for 18 years now, and it's not ending any time soon.
And in case you haven't already heard, when my friend and I went to Albany to see the first two nights of his solo tour a couple of weeks ago, we got to meet him.
It was the single greatest moment of my life.
I had bought a new camera before the trip, because I was determined to meet him this time (four solo shows and at least 12 full band shows.....). And wouldn't you know I was so nervous again that I couldn't operate my stupid camera??
I did get a few pics with my camera phone, and ended up with a couple of good shots with the digital outside after we met him the second night. You can see my pictures and read the stories of the two nights:
And just as I was getting over the whole thing, tonight my friend had to post her photo album of the event. I totally stole this picture off of her page:
Because it is beautiful! The fact that I was this close to my idol, my muse, my favorite celebrity in the whole wide world whose music has kept me going for 18 straight years.......!!!
I almost flew down to Atlanta to stay with friends and family so that I could go to two more nights and try my luck again, but I couldn't make it work. In some ways I am kicking myself. In other ways, I am grateful that I didn't, because the venue probably would not have been conducive to meeting him again. And why risk ending on a less wonderful note?
