It has been eleven months and one day since my father died. Since going through that ordeal last year, I have been focusing more on taking life one day at a time. Yes, I may know what is going to happen a couple of days from now, but have learned that life can really throw you a curve ball. I'm not really sure what I am looking forward to this year, other than finally hitting that one year anniversary.
I am the kind of person who needs to mark the passage of time with anniversaries. The first year is always the most difficult. Once you get through that, it is usually smooth sailing for whatever that situation is. At least, that is the way I have always looked at it.
I think the more important anniversary to which I was "looking forward" was the anniversary of when Dad went unconscious. My gut instinct when that happened was that it wasn't going to turn out the way we were hoping. I prayed every day, many times a day, for whatever was meant to happen to happen. If he was meant to recover and stay here with me, then awesome. But if he was meant to pass away from this world and move to the next one to ease his suffering, I would be heartbroken, but knew it would be for the best. I started mourning him that April.
Saying I was looking forward to that anniversary is probably not the proper choice of words. I do not take any pleasure in it. In what will I actuallly take pleasure? I suppose things like having time to work in my garden, to see if I can bring it back to life, being able to go hiking again as my various injuries heal, spending time with loved ones, reading a lot more, writing a lot more, should also top my list. Those are just general plans, though, and are starting to slowly creep back into my life.