My Daddy Tribute: F is for Farts

Come on now, farts are funny. They were funny when we were kids and they are still funny as adults. We just try to act a bit more mature about it now. At least in public.

My father was the king of the fart jokes. He had such a reputation for his own noxious odors that friends and family alike couldn't pass up a good fart joke card without picking it up for him. He would send them out to his own friends and family. When we were packing up my parents' house after he passed away, we found that he had saved quite a number of them. And fart stories could be shared in abundance.

I remember having a friend stay with us in junior high. Her mother was in the hospital and her father was out of the picture. So, she slept in my room. She used to joke that she didn't have to set the alarm, because my father, a.k.a. Trumpet Trousers, tooted his horn at the same time every morning. My parents' bedroom was right across the hall from mine. They rarely had their door shut, and you could hear everything in that house.

I still remember going to eat at a particular restaurant with my family when I was in college. Granted, it wasn't totally upscale dining, but this was no Denny's or Big Boy. For that small town, it was quite nice dining. We were getting ready to leave. Dad had been snickering about a woman who was about 6 1/2 feet tall and at least 3 feet wide. He was making a snarky remark about "Amazon Women on the Moon." (Did you ever see that movie?) See, because he was a large man, he felt he could make fun of his fellow large people.

Anyway, I got him to knock it off, because while he was being funny, it was also a bit obnoxious. He pushed his chair back and went to stand up. He realized that he was right next to his Amazon Woman. He fell forward onto the chair to support himself while he laughed. And he cut the biggest, loudest fart I think anyone has ever heard in that restaurant.

My mother and I were so embarrassed that we couldn't help but fall back into our chairs laughing. My younger sister, a teenager at the time, was so mortified that she literally dove under the table. Dad started laughing even harder, until tears were streaming down his face. He sputtered an apology to the woman and her table and somehow managed to walk out of the restaurant. I know that woman was super annoyed, judging from the appalled look upon her face. The other patrons were all politely snickering behind their napkins.

I don't think my sister and I set foot in there again for a while. But my father was quick to return with no shame. And he left us a legacy that was shared time and time again.